i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
