the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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