He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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