you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
