I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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