I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
