Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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