He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
