end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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