I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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