he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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