I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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