I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
