2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
