i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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