I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
