I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
