I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
