one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My vagina is very pro this idea
My life is pants optional.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
