The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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