you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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