i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
