turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
