It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you had me at cake vodka
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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