god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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