last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
