i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
