Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
