And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
