Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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