I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
