no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
