all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
