making cat noises will not fix the situation.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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