oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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