I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
