If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
