just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
