If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my sisters under your porch take her home
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
