I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
