I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
