When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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