My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
