When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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