Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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