very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently you make a good broom.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
