i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
