And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
