Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
