i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
dude. I can hear the air.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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