First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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