so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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